Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online Is a Rave in Space but Not Much Fun

If I have to predict the future, I would said with no doubt that 2017 will go down in history as the Year of the Crazy Dane DeHaan Movie. So far, we have seen DeHaan in highly puzzling A Cure for Wellness. If you missed that one, it was more or less The Magic Mountain with incest and bloodsucking eels. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online is DeHaan’s latest eyebrow-raiser with Cara Delevingne.

Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets full movie

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online was written and directed by Luc Besson promising greater emphasis on visual panache than on feeling or coherence.

The promise is faithfully kept, but there are more going on throughout the movie’s running time. It isn’t quite right to call Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online a science-fiction epic. The movie is more The Phantom Menace with a lot more of fun, chaos and craziness.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online full movie is around Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne). They are soldiers in some kind of space army with a mission involving justice for the planet Mül. Before it was destroyed, Mül was a beachy paradise, a perpetual Ibiza on the morning after the best rave ever, populated by hairless lizard supermodels. The key to their bliss is a pocket-size dinosaur that excretes pearls. Only one is left in the universe. Valerian and Laureline are that last dinosaur’s intrepid pet-sitters.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online

We know about Valerian, so what about the City of a Thousand Planets? It’s a multicultural celestial metropolis where our heroes do a bit of chasing and fighting. The population of the City includes some fine specimens of modern digital and prosthetic creature design. It would be an interesting place to spend some time if a busy and chaotic story didn’t keep getting in the way having us no chance to hang out for a little longer with Ethan Hawke and Rihanna.

Yep, Rihanna is in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online full movie. You need to have some trust on the posters, however, she shows up late and leaves early. Her character is called Bubble with a role of some kind of strip dancer. She dances on a stripper pole and changes costumes in the blink of an eye until Besson’s script cruelly casts her aside. I don’t why he did that, and I suspect Besson doesn’t either.

Though, the movie is based on a popular graphic novel series with the same name by Pierre Christin and Jean-Claude Mézières. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online feels as if it were made up on the spot, by someone so delighted by the gaudy genre packaging at his disposal that he lost track of what was supposed to be inside.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Online Is a Rave in Space but Not Much Fun
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